英文简历范本中不能出现的话

英文简历范本中不能出现的话
致命的大错：
　　“Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10.”

　　“Qualifications: No education or experience.”

　　“I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy.”

　　“My compensation should be at least equal to my age.”

　　“Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC.”

　　“Fired because I fought for lower pay.”

　　“Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5”

　　“Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date.”

　　“Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near.”

　　“Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately.”

　　打字错误与语法错误：

　　“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

　　“Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”

　　“I am a rabid typist.”

　　“Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981.”

　　“After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.”

　　“Accounting cleric.”
　　“As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments.”

　　“Suspected to graduate early next year.”

　　“Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.”

　　“Proven ability to track down and correct erors.”

　　“Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.”

　　“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

　　“Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.”

　　不应有的幽默：

　　“Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house.”

　　“Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting.” (Translation: Short-order cook.)

　　“But wait...there's more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.”

　　“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

　　“My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job'-and I like your company in particular.”

　　“Title: Another resume from the 'Profiles in Excellence' series.”

　　“Also Known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr.Fix-it.”

　　“Trustworthy references available upon request-if I give them a few bucks.”

　　“Let's meet so you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' over my experience.”